She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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