I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
