i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize