Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
