There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
