My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
