is wine microwaveable?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
