I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
