Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
