So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
