sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
