he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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