did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
