I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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