the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
