So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
