Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think your dad took our porno
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
