he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
