Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
