I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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