No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
