can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
