I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
