I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
