i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
