at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
