I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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