Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
