Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
