Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
