Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize