Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
