i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
