Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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