i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
