Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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