In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
