If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
that is very illegal...i love you.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
