Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
