It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Non-Jews are for practice
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
