Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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