I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
