honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I deserve this hangover.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
