I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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