I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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