the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
