Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
