And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
