Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize