I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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