well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i out mim tonsoeep
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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