Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
