I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
