Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
