i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
