well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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