so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
