As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
