And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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