your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
