Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
