Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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