I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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