I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
