Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
as a side note pls kill me
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
