i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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