I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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