I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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