at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
