Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
