Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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