I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize