i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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