You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I did not marry a roomba.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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