Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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