life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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