went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
