Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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