I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
