My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
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