So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
