I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
