I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
